we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
