I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
