I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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