You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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