why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
