real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
