i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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