That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
