he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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