So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
