so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
