Do you still have your period?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
