so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
