dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
nutella sex= disaster
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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