porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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