Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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