I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
