Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
