after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm determined to sit on that face.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
