I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
