For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
