i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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