Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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