We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
