I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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