is your mom at the bar?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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