No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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