I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
