I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
