i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
