In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
