You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
