Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
