I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
