She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
