i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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