so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dear god my vagina.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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