The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
