he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
