arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
