I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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