Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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