Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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