He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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