I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
