oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
