I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
