i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
