shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
