Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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