I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Randomize
