Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
